Hartwell

The Simpsons and Myrine Hawksworth

My housemate Dan always has a show on. When I moved in, it was Seinfeld; for a while, it was The Office. A background show while we tap away on our laptops. Right now, that show is The Simpsons. The Simpsons is so tied to my youth, but it’s such an obvious cultural phenomenon and impactful for so many people, it’s hard to be earnest about just how meaningful it is without sounding trite.

The Simpsons is a show about this Dad and his family. The Dad works in the energy sector; his Boss is not very nice. There is a Mum, a Son, and two Daughters. I remember my mate Bomber in year 8 saying, “I love when The Dad and the Son are fighting”, It’s funny to me to talk about the characters from The Simpsons in vague terms like that; that’s Homer and Bart, you banana.

There was a time when I was never more than a few weeks away from having watched episodes of The Simpsons in bulk. I had an unintended break until Dan started putting the show on. Over the last 5-6 years, I’ve maybe watched 3 or so episodes intentionally. Revisiting the show reminds me how much it rocks - You heard me, I, a 37-year-old man, thinks The Simpsons rocks. I do wonder if The Simpsons meme and bootleg merch accounts kind of burnt it for me. I do have a soft spot for bootleg Simpsons merch, but only the really tacky kind from the 90s showing Bart (The Son) fighting on the Gulf.

Wild drip

Myrine was my dad’s first girlfriend after my parents separated. She lived in this little flat in Hartwell. I remember when we'd go to her house, she’d be listening to Triple R and have things like buckwheat flour in mason jars in her open pantry. I remember her talking about going to the Big Day Out with her friends; I’m pretty sure she saw Spiderbait. She liked good music; the first time I heard The Lemonheads was with her; Drug Buddy reminds me of the lounge room at her flat. I learnt about the concept of a Futon from her. It’s a mattress from Japan, and you have to fold it over every day to air it out. They are sort of uncomfortable. When I think about Kumquats, I think about the tree outside of the house her parents had in the hills with a Kumquat tree out the front.

Myrine was the first adult I knew who liked The Simpsons. She had a bunch of sound bites from the show on her computer. At the time, I remember wondering how the hell she got them on there. I was telling my friend Jordan about the soundbites, and she asked me why she had that audio on her computer. In Windows, you could change the system sounds to be any audio file you like. When you got an error on her computer, it would be Homer saying “D’oh!”. Watching the show, I keep hearing soundbites that she played, remembering us both laughing at Barney’s burps. My Dad didn’t let me watch The Simpsons until Myrine came along, I think he thought it was too crass, or not suitable for kids; She convinced him otherwise.

Barney is an alcoholic

Myrine was an editor and writer, she worked for a city council newspaper, but she had her own company too; My Word. She liked good movies, So I Married an Axe Murderer was one of her favourites. She was the first funny adult I ever met, which means she made fart jokes. She drove this little old orange car with no air-conditioning. On hot days, she’d drive around with a wet towel draped over her head to keep cool. She was into crystals in the way all cool women are into them - fully. I’m now older than she was when we first met.

Myrine and I would make bets with my Dad and we’d always win. My Dad had to pay me $20 because we correctly bet that a packet of popcorn kernels would fit in a jar and not overflow. She challenged my Dad on the right things. I felt like she was a lot smarter than my Dad, or at least more self-aware. I wonder if my Dad made her happy. I wonder how they met; through work, I suppose. I feel like he wasn’t deep enough for her, took too many things at face value. I think I’m projecting; maybe there was more to him back then. I figured they must’ve broken up and got back together a few times; she would disappear for a few weeks and then be back in My Dad and I’s life. I remember when they sat me down and told me they would no longer be seeing each other. I would have been 11; Myrine cried a lot.

It’s odd having your parents date and see different people while you are growing up. These people come and go out of your life. That’s true for all of us, but I wondered if it helped prepare me for people leaving, or if it just made me expect it was going to happen no matter what. I’m not sure what is better.

My Dad stayed friends with Myrine, which I didn’t find out about until much later. A few years in a row, we ended up spending Christmas Day with her and her partner. It was my Dad and his partner Kaye, Myrine and her partner Richard, and then me. As much as l loved Myrine and enjoyed seeing her, I always felt a strangeness in spending Christmas Day like this. I was annoyed at my Dad for making things complicated. Looking back, I wonder if I was simply annoyed he didn’t stick it out with her, not realising he didn’t have a say in the matter. One of those years, 2014, I think, my girlfriend at the time, Siobhan, came and added this other odd element. A weird bunch of people with odd attachments to family pretending to have a nice Christmas lunch together.

I stopped talking to my Dad for a few years around 2017 onwards. Hating myself and hating him for making me the way I am. Futile in retrospect. With that and COVID, I didn’t go to Christmas Day with Myrine again. She passed away in 2022. She was sick for a little while. My Dad and I had started talking again, and I would get updates from him now and then. They had a small, mostly family memorial for her, so I wasn’t able to go. I would have liked to have paid my respects, but it’s hard to know why. I just feel like I had something I would have liked to have said to her.

Maybe I should have called before she passed. What would I have said? I hadn’t thought about this time with her when I was a kid much until now; I don’t think I would have had the words or the insight to know what to say to her - “Hey, you came into my life at a time when I was a kid, and you made a massive impact on what I find funny and the kinds of women I want to have in my life. You showed me there were people outside of my immediate family who could care for you and change the trajectory of your life.” It’s hard to sum up all those feelings at that time, I don’t think I had the words. I think instead I would have called and asked “is there a Seymour Butz there?”.